Finding Joy

Somewhat of a random thought this morning. Like any millennial or younger, I often find myself reaching for social media to express an idea or feeling when it hits me.

Thing is, most of the time it's reactive, and not something that deepens my zeal for living or makes me happy, however fleeting. 90% of the time, it's a vent or a complaint. It's often about work or politics; it's a strange experience to have grown up when I did and have critical thinking heralded as the most important skill to develop and no see so few people using it.

When I was in college and had my first-and-thankfully-only significant breakup, I was a wreck. A good friend asked me a question that sticks with me to this day:

What are five things you're grateful for in this moment?

That's a hard question to ask when you're stuck in the metaphorical/emotional mud. I have a lot going on right now.

Work is busy and chaotic... per usual.

Haleigh's lows have reached a breaking point in me. They're life threatening at this point.

Tango is in a lot of pain from arthritis and aggressive towards Moby. We've had 2 fights in the house in the past month, both resulting in small nips to one of Tango's ear that bled a lot.

I'm not sure how much time Tango has left with us, and it's gut wrenching. I just had him at the vet yesterday for updated x-rays, which confirmed the arthritis is getting worse. We started giving him carprofen nightly a couple months ago, recently added trazodone to help him sleep, and now gabapentin on top of that. Seemed to work well last night.

So... What's giving me joy then?

Taking photos of anything and everything. Especially when they're good.

Dark mornings with my cozy office lighting, synthwave, and pipesmoking.

Shipping cool work, redefining my career daily.

Moby. When she throws her whole body weight against me on the couch to snuggle, I feel immensely lucky to have her in our lives.

Costco. Yes, it's silly. But I've been eating very nutritiously and the weekly hotdog ritual is a weekend high point.

Leaves changing. I need to go see some larches, but probably missed the window this year.

Lifting weights in the garage. Still need to balance with keeping my cycling fitness strong, but probably stronger than I've ever been.

Ocarina of Time remake + GTA VI dropping next month.

A colleague asking if I'd be down to do a podcast about mOperator.

There's no dumb source of joy, all are equally valid. Most of the time, I just need a reminder to refocus on thinking about joy versus wallowing in despair.